The formation of a fantasy bond further encourages the attitude that one person can define or victimize another person in some way.
It also supports the idea that one partner in a couple has power or control over the other.
In these instances, whether they are experiencing an insult, a perceived threat, or an extreme provocation, both men and women who engage in domestic violence are very often acting on their "critical inner voice." This "voice" is a destructive thought process in which people are telling themselves negative things about themselves and their partners.
The more a person listens to these thoughts, the more they feed feelings of being wronged and of needing to retaliate, sometimes escalating to a point of becoming violent.
Thus, people are more likely to feel entitled, mistreated, and righteous in their anger toward their partner.
It sets the stage for rejection to be experienced as potentially life-threatening, intensifying reactions to any perceived threat of abandonment.
They gain a sense of themselves as separate individuals, thus cultivating self-esteem, responsibility and empathy.
They learn effective strategies for recognizing when they get triggered and for not going down the destructive cycle toward violence, steering away from listening to their dangerous critical inner voice and instead staying in the point of view of their real self Many people who commit abuse were either abused themselves as children or witnessed abuse between family members.
The lack of personal responsibility, separateness, and accountability that results from a fantasy bond can provide a gateway to acting out emotional or physical abuse.These individuals learn to calm themselves down and not get swept up in the barrage of critical inner voices, feeding their aggressive feelings and even instructing them to act out violence.They learn to recognize and acknowledge their feelings and to take responsibility by not acting on them, and instead acting in their best interest.Not only is demand up while "funding, services and prevention efforts are down," but the survey went on to report that "74 percent of women stayed with an abuser longer for economic reasons, [and] 58 percent of shelters reported that the abuse is more violent now than before the economic downturn." While financial factors contribute to the problem, the causes of domestic violence involve psychological issues that we must deal with in order to stop the cycle of abuse.There are two emotional dynamics that contribute greatly to domestic violence.
While many advances have been made toward creating equality between the sexes, we still live in a patriarchal society.