Yet, couples with more means may cling to a comfortable lifestyle, while their marriage dissembles into a business arrangement.Homemakers fear being self-supporting or single moms, and breadwinners dread paying support and seeing their assets divided.His ambivalence made him so distressed, he died before she did!Money binds couples, too, especially in a bad economy.Emotionally or physically battered women may stay out of fear of and confidence has eroded in the relationship, and the threat of abuse increases close to separations.Most people tell themselves, “The grass isn’t any greener,” believe they’re too old to find love again and imagine nightmarish online dating scenarios.They are as tied to their mate as they once were to their parents.Going through brings with it all of the unfinished work of becoming an independent “adult.” Fears about leaving their spouse and children may be reiterations of the fears and guilt that they would have had upon separating from their parents, which were avoided by quickly getting into a relationship or marriage.
Autonomy doesn’t mean you don’t need others, but in fact allows you to experience healthy dependence on others without the fear of suffocation.
They may rationalized, minimize, or excuse their partner’s behavior and cling to hope or occasional “good times” or expressions of love. “if only” often, denying their own pain, which might motivate them to get help and change.
They believe broken promises and hope things will improve . implies being an emotionally secure, separate, and independent person.
The combined effect of this adds to fears of loneliness and isolation people that they envisage being on their own.
For spouses married a number of years, their identity and may be as a “husband” or “wife” – a “provider” or “homemaker.” The loneliness experienced upon divorce is tinged with feeling lost. This also may be significant for a noncustodial parent, for whom parenting is a major source of self-esteem. They left home or their college roommate for a marriage or romantic partner.
Take responsibility for your happiness by developing your passions instead of focusing on the relationship.